Sally Herigstad is a certified public accountant and the author of "Help! I Can't Pay My Bills: Surviving a Financial Crisis" (St. Martin's Press, 2006). She writes "To Her Credit," a weekly reader Q&A column about issues involving women, credit and debt, for CreditCards.com.
Dear To Her Credit,
A few days before my mother passed away on June 25, 2011, my
sister was in my parents' lawyer's office trying to get the power of attorney
switched to her. Since then, I've discovered that she has been draining my
parents' finances over the past year. This has included running up my mother's
credit cards just before she died.
I contacted Discover about my mother's card in July, but
they were only interested in the payoff. I have contacted Adult Protection
Services, but they have this as a low priority since there is no physical
abuse. My sister continues to get away with this behavior, while my father
needs this money for his care.
What can I do? I am very frustrated. -- Bonnie
Dear Bonnie,
I've been getting a spate of letters about
financial elder abuse lately. It's alarming to realize how often this type of behavior must be
happening all over the country!
Before credit cards were widely used, adult children were
limited to taking cash or belongings from their aging parents, or with a bit
more effort, getting into their bank accounts. Now, stealing from mom or dad is
as easy as borrowing a credit card. They can take money parents don't even have
and steal their parents' good credit history while they're at it.
Sometimes, siblings who help themselves to their parents'
money can rationalize what they are doing as OK. Maybe they've always been
subsidized by mom and expect to continue to do so well into middle age. Or if
they help parents run errands and do other chores, they may not think anything
of throwing a few things in the cart for themselves.
Or they may just not be thinking. One woman noticed that her
brother was continually asking for -- and receiving -- financial help from
their mom. The woman knew her brother made several times as much money as mom
did, which she pointed out to her brother. He truly had no idea, and once he
did, the requests for money stopped.
You didn't say if your sister was successful in getting the power
of attorney for your parents. If she got a power of attorney for your mother
shortly before she died, it wouldn't have been in effect very long. Powers of
attorney are only in force while a person is alive.
If she got a power of attorney for your father, and he is
competent and is willing to give the power of attorney to you, you should have
that done as soon as possible.
If your father is no longer competent, you should hire an
elder care attorney to help you take control of your father's finances -- the
sooner, the better. In the meantime, you can make it harder for your sister to
drain accounts by hiding checkbooks, changing account passwords and alerting
banks and creditors that there is a problem.
Now, as to the credit cards. If your sister used your mother's
credit cards before she died, and she was not an authorized user on the cards,
she committed fraud. If you are willing to have her prosecuted, contact the
credit card company and tell them the card was used without authorization. I
know you called Discover, but it's going to take more than a phone call.
Send a letter of dispute to Discover and any other credit
card company she used, using the address designated for billing disputes. If
possible, send the letter within 60 days of the bill with the fraudulent
charges. Send the letter by certified mail, and be sure to keep a copy.
Don't be surprised if your sister fights back. She'll
probably fire accusations right back at you, and it could get ugly. The whole
thing can be very distressing to your father, who is already suffering from the
recent loss of his wife.
One way to remove doubt about who is working in your
father's best interest is to get a third party involved. If you're not able to
take control of your father's finances, or if you're afraid your own motives
are being falsely questioned, you can let another family member, friend or
trusted professional oversee your father's financial accounts. Another option
is to contact a member of the American
Association of Daily Money Managers. Paying someone to secure your dad's
accounts and handle his day-to-day finances is a small price to pay compared to standing by while your dad loses the financial
security that he and your mother worked all their lives to provide.
Sally Herigstad answers questions about credit every week for CreditCards.com. Herigstad is a certified public accountant, author and speaker. She also writes regularly for MSN Money, Interest.com, Bankrate.com and RedPlum.com, and has been a guest on Martha Stewart radio and other programs. You can read more about personal finance and download free budgeting worksheets at her website: www.sallyherigstad.com
To Her Credit answers a question about a debt or credit issue from a CreditCards.com reader each week.
Send your question to Sally.
Published: September 30, 2011
Three most recent To Her Credit stories:
Should one spouse take on full debt load? – A married couple with joint card debt wants to transfer the balance to a lower rate card. Should the better credit score spouse take on the burden alone? ...
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